Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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