I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
