I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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