I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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