the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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