What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
