Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
