I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize