Umm I'm too high to move.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Found the puke drawer
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
