Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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