The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
