the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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