Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
