overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
