Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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