Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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