I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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