the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
