I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
