when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
