You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
