I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
