Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
