I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
