Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We were destined to go to rehab together
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
