He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize