if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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