Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
