there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
this beer tastes like vomit already
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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