I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
