I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize