Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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