Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
