My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
