and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
