I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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