Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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