Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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