You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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