i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
