No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
