we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
