I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
