the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
