Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
