i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
im holly from the hills drunk
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize