I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
