He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
