You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize