No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
