So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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