I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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