I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
