you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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