I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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