Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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