Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
