I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
