I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
