He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
MIDGETS
????
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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