His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I touched a dick in church today
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
