Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
