I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
