Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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