Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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