I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
