Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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