how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
