Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
