OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
