I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
