i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
