Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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